Godspeed, John Tracy
by HevRev18
Summary: Scott and John have a heart to heart on the last night before Thunderbird 5 is operational.


_**As John Glenn (John Tracy's namesake) was taking off to go into orbit for the first time, Scott Carpenter (Scott's namesake) said to him "Godspeed, John Glenn". That inspired me to write a little TAG piece between the two characters on the night before John leaves for Thunderbird 5. I had intended for it to be shorter but the words kept flowing. It's the first piece of fanfiction I've written in a long time so I hope you like it. Please review.**_

* * *

The lingering sounds of laughter and piano music faded behind him as he made his way past the pool, in search of the guest of honour missing from his own send off. Scott had known as soon as the party was suggested that John wouldn't want it. The second eldest, who abandoned isolation only when he was ready, would want a departure with minimal fuss.

But Scott hadn't had the heart to voice that to the rest of the family.

So when the party had been in full swing and the red head was suddenly absent, it was only Scott who could seek him out. He wasn't sure who had missed John. Virgil for certain but then Virgil saw everything, especially when it didn't want to be seen. Grandma was busy trying to persuade Brains to try her latest recipe, the young scientist still too new to the group to appreciate the danger. Alan and Gordon were trying to out-do each other, at what Scott wasn't sure but he was fairly certain they were yet to notice John was gone. Their father had probably noticed his second eldest wasn't there but he had always left John to his privacy, considering it the best way. It was no surprise the two weren't as close as they maybe should have been.

As the sudden lack of music would have drawn too much attention, Scott was silently selected to find their missing brother, as he often had when they were younger and John was wary of the world. Virgil offered a supportive smile as his big brother quietly departed the villa. Walking beyond the pool, Scott glanced up at the stars that would soon be keeping his brother company. He knew what they were, clusters of fire, full of heat and energy but to him they seemed so cold and distant. Characteristics his brother was already nurturing and Scott feared would soon dominate John's once empathetic nature. He knew why John was doing it, of course he did. They all had to treat this professionally otherwise it would never succeed. A global-scale rescue organisation wasn't a pet project you started on a whim, it was a massive undertaking that had to be taken seriously. They were all taking that onboard, none more so than John.

No searching was required. Scott found his brother in the first place he looked. On the cliff overlooking the beach John had an open view of the stars he would soon live amongst. To many the second Tracy son would have looked relaxed, leaning back against hands placed slightly behind him. But his big brother could see the tension in his shoulders.

John said nothing as Scott sat beside him and for a little while a comfortable silence rested between them. But the darker Tracy knew they were on borrowed time, lent to them by Virgil keeping the rest of the family distracted. A search party would be out eventually and that wouldn't help in the slightest.

"Most people don't choose to miss their own send off," Scott began, keeping his tone neutral.

"I needed some air."

"Understandable I guess, you won't get much of that up there," the eldest replied and a frown marred John's handsome features.

"Oxygen levels are stable, condensers have been thoroughly tested-"

"John... kidding." The frown eased but the tension in his shoulders remained and Scott wondered how best to comfort the rigid and professional space monitor his little brother had suddenly become.

John in turn had no clue how to diffuse the tension he knew he had created. He inwardly cursed the walls he had built around himself. It had been necessary to prepare himself for what was to come, he knew that and he was sure Scott and Virgil knew too. But he also had an inkling of how cold it had made him appear. People skills had never been John's strong point, Scott and Gordon had always been the charmers with Virgil and Alan as their respective wingmen, leaving no need for John to develop that kind of charisma. As space monitor he would need to be clear, professional and to the point. Problem was his youngest siblings now believed that was who John was. Only Scott and Virgil seemed to be familiar with the old John, Scott especially was adept at drawing the truth from him.

"How are you feeling?" As if reading his mind, Scott seemed to be after another confession John wasn't sure he was ready to give.

"I feel fine."

"Fine isn't a feeling."

"An expert on those now are you?" John regretted the words before he finished speaking them. It was below the belt and they both knew it.

The weeks after they had lost their mother, with their father crippled with grief and their grandparents still living many miles away, Scott had become the parent they all needed. He comforted John when he wanted to hide from the world that hurt them. He inspired Virgil when the artist couldn't see the beauty around him. He galvanised Gordon when any achievement seemed pointless. He raised Alan when the two who should have were absent from their lives. In all of this Scott was whatever they needed, never stopping to manage his own feelings or check his emotions. At least, as far as John could see. He never saw the way Scott jogged for miles with a painful lump in his throat or how he collapsed onto his bed at midnight with silent sobs, never realising his dark-haired shadow saw everything he didn't want him to see. Virgil didn't tell John about Scott's tears. So John was ignorant of those feelings when he finally snapped and accused Scott of being made of stone, of not even caring that their mother was gone. The hurt in his older brother's eyes was something John still hadn't completely forgiven himself for, even if Scott had.

Daring to glance at his older brother, instead of the hurt he dreaded, John saw understanding in the blue eyes that watched him. Sensing John wasn't ready to answer properly, Scott shrugged his shoulders.

"Not an expert, no... but I guess I sense them better than I used to," at his brother's confused look Scott continued, "I'm... I guess I'm scared... I know I'm scared."

John regarded his brother with shock. Scott was never scared. Not when Grandpa had a stroke. Not when Gordon nearly drowned. Not when their mother was taken away. John had never seen fear in his brother's eyes. Scott had always faced every challenge with courage. He had been the one to call the ambulance for Grandpa, he'd been the one to pull Gordon from the lake back in Kansas.

He had been the one to tell them all their mother was never coming home.

Scott had flown into war zones without a tremble, so brave in the field he had been decorated for valour. Though the words would never be spoken, he was John's hero.

As if detecting his brother's disbelief, Scott explained, "I know we're doing the right thing in this, that we'll save people... but I'm scared of what it's gonna need from us. I'm scared that between the business and now this organisation Dad's taken on too much, I'm scared that Gordon and Alan are gonna see things kids their age should never have to see... I've been in danger zones before... but never with Virgil flying in after me," the eldest glanced in John's direction before adding, "I'm scared that my little brother is going far away, to a place where if he needs me I can't be right there." At that confession Scott released a shaky breath. He knew better than any of them that he kept his emotions locked away and releasing them was as unnatural to him as anything could be. But he also knew that he couldn't take words from John without offering some heartfelt ones of his own.

When John stood to leave Scott's shoulders slumped in defeat, only for him to gasp when the younger Tracy pulled him up and into a hug. Scott melted into the rare embrace, relief washing over him that he had connected with his isolated brother. Face burrowed into Scott's shoulder, John uttered three mumbled words.

"I'm scared too."

Scott's hold tightened and he felt the tension leave John's frame. He wasn't back to the old John, he probably wouldn't ever go back completely. But this was the balance he needed, between the space monitor and the brother that felt things as keenly as his siblings.

"I'll still be here, we'll all still be here, whenever you need us," Scott promised and John nodded into his shoulder. When they finally parted, Scott said nothing about the wet tracks under John's eyes and John didn't mention the way Scott tilted his head away to blink. Without another word, they began their walk back to the villa, anticipation of what was to come still thick in the air but now joined by a confidence that they would all face it together.

The others were as Scott had left them, though Brains looked a little green and Gordon seemed to have the upper hand over Alan, in what none of them knew. Feeling sorry for their resident scientist, John went to assist their father in distracting Grandma while Scott feigned an interest in his youngest siblings' competition. Virgil looked up from his playing to meet Scott's eye. Reassured by his big brother's look, the artist smiled his thanks. He had already seen the tension absent from John's frame but then, Virgil saw everything.

...

John watched the earth below through the observation platform of Thunderbird 5. All systems were up and running, Alan had reluctantly returned to Thunderbird 3 to prepare for departure and Scott lingered at the air lock.

"I'll be alright," John assured him softly with a small smile. Scott smiled back. No embrace was needed this time.

"Godspeed, John Tracy," Scott offered a little salute that made John's smile widen, "I couldn't be more proud of you."

Scott stepped through the airlock and John returned his gaze to the Earth with a deep breath.

His mission had begun and, despite his early fears, he didn't feel alone.


End file.
